LA Blog

Coolest place to be during a blackout...

2006-07-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

I was at the Roosevelt Hotel last night. Enjoying a turkey burger at 25 degrees (the cute little diner at the front of the hotel), when the power went out. It didn't really stop the diner from being able to serve its hungry clientele, as the emergency generators immediatly kicked in. In fact, had we not wandered into the main lobby after drinks/dinner, we wouldn't have even realized that the power was out....But, there we were, in a dark lobby, lit only by candles, enjoying the spooky atmosphere of the 1920s hotel, that some say really is haunted. Who knows if that is true or not because the people we met as we explored the dark hallways could just as easily have been ghosts or guests. I guess we will never know.

Yet another Real VoiceMail

2006-07-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

Bonjour L!

I’m in Hollywood and I just saw Prince and I walked up to him and started singing Purple Rain! That was after my 11th glass of champagne!

I hope you are having fun in LV and you are having a safe drive. I am pretty fucked up. Talk to you later. Bye

We didn't start the fire...

2006-07-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Friday - June 30th

6:34 pm - buying socks with my grandma at Marshalls

7:01 pm - receive text from friend that reads: "Tom has lost his mind. Sorry, I know this text just cost you 10 cents but I thought I'd share."

7:54 pm - root beer floats/jazz quartet with grandma at the ol' folks home

10:34 pm - see a SUV on the 134 freeway on fire with fireworks shooting out of every window

10:35pm - call to the California Highway Patrol

me: I'm driving on the 134 east bound and there is a car that is exploding with fireworks

dispatch: there's a car that is exploding with fireworks?

me: yeah it's on the right side of the freeway and I guess they had a bunch of cherry bombs, M-80's, and sparklers.

dispatch: and you're saying it's on the right side of the freeway

me: yeah right by forest lawn cemetery and the car is on fire and it's exploding from fireworks and I am not sure if there is anyone in the car.

dispatch: and it's on fire?

me: yes...crazy flames.

dispatch: okay police are on their way. what is your phone number?

me: XXX-XXX-XXXX. this is crazy. have a safe 4th of July.

Saturday, July 1st

1:11 am - receive text from friend that reads: It's 1am. im in vegas. 599 buffet. i love roadtrips.

1:26 am - meet hot girl at club

1:34 am - hot girl at club sends me text message that reads: "got coke?"

2:11 am - get kicked out of club

2:34 am - on lookout for my female friend as she urinates in random alley in Hollywood

3:22 am - give random hot girl at Mel's dinner a lap dance. i am rewarded with french fries.

4:25 am - get home and call anyone I think is still up

4:29 am - no one picks up

7:12 am - dreaming that I am at chateau marmont penthouse at a rowdy party and I have to kick people out. I get beat up and security just watches.

8:59 am - receive text from friend that reads: go to bed.

11:52 am separating colors and whites for laundy and swatting at gnats.

the end.

The valley was so hot this week...

2006-06-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

It is so hot in the Valley, that the can of pepsi that has been sitting in my car for 3 weeks, unopened, exploded while I was driving yesterday. Thankfully, the Valley also has a handwash car cleaning service on every other corner, so it was not a problem to get the sticky mess cleaned up. Later today, I am going to attempt to fry an egg on the sidewalk.

Mr Belding does Karoke?

2006-06-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

I have gone out and partied 7 days in a row this past week. Everything from penthouses to karaoke with Mr. Belding from Saved By The Bell.

I went to visit my grandmother at her retirement community on Sunday. She looked at me and said I needed to take a step off the merry-go-round.

I then took a seven hour nap on her recliner.

Therapist

2006-06-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

I saw my therapist the other day. He told me I was a normal, sane, functioning human being. What is that all about? I think I should get a second opinion.

Another actual voicemail

2006-06-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

Hi there.... It's J. Wondering what you are doing tonight. Call me if you want to get shitty* or something....Ummm later.

*In this case shitty = booty call.

When it comes to class Britney Spears has got nothing on me.

drinks at dimples

2006-06-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

So this guy comes up to me at Dimples the other night and says, "Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot but I'd like to start over again. Can I buy you a drink?" And I was like, "sure." So he moseys over to the bar and buys me a Corona. He brings it back to me and says, "Here you go. Can I have $5?" I looked at him and said, "No." Then walked away.

This is why he and I never got along as friends. He's just socially akward.

IM of your weekend adventures

2006-06-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

Okay so Friday I had dinner with some girlfriends, then hooked up with the 23 year old again, not to go into details, but I ended up getting home at 5 am. Only to find that I was totally locked out of my house, and my roomie was out of town. So I slept in my car, but seeing as I live in the valley and its over 100 degrees there.. I was miserable. I ended up getting up at 9 am and going to C's house to take a shower, then going about my day...Oh my god, I was so tired.

Saturday night...I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetary for a screening (Over the Edge...early Matt Dillon movie...so cheeseball) then to a birthday party for an agent at a gay bar in West Hollywood...we totally crashed the guestlist.
After awhile we decided to barhop (we being me and H). We hit a couple more bars then ended up back in Hollywood at Coach and Horses. Where I met a fabulous man named Mr. H. Made out with him. Didn't go home with him, because that would make me a whore...2 nights...2 different men. He tried to tempt me to go back to his place and party with him, by offering "primo blow". I was like "how glam". Then turned away and wandered home

Sunday night I went to a wrap party after getting drunk on mojitos, I contemplated turning myself over to a rehab center
no more drinking...until next weekend when I go to Vegas.

All I want for Memorial Day is my 2 front teeth...

2006-06-01T17:58:00.000-07:00

Dude, This girl I know was drinking a 40 over Memorial Day weekend and someone bumped into her and she chipped her front tooth. Crazy Horse - it'll do it to u every time! At first she tried to play it off like she was just drinking a beer. And I was like....what? And then she said, ok it was a 40.

The Foundation

2006-05-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

Friday night I went to the Derby to check out one of my favorite local, punk rock bands - The Foundation. If you haven't had the chance to see these guys, you MUST check them out. They are amazing!! There are only two of them (a drummer and guitar player) but they make as much noise as any band three times their size. There shows are lively, crazy, and so fun...the only thing you want to do when you hear them is DANCE!!!

Check out their myspace site here: http://www.myspace.com/tfoundation

Oh and as far as the show on Friday night went...It was AWESOME and I am positive it garnered them some new fans....Be on the lookout for these guys, I have a feeling they are going to be big!!!

What did you on Memorial Day?

2006-05-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

6 pack of Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade (it had cranberry juice in it, therefore it can be considered healthy albeit white-trashy)...$6

Sausages for Memorial Day BBQ....$5

Sneaking off with the neighbor boy, you just met at the BBQ, only to be busted by your friends with cameras while doing the walk of shame back to the party ..... Priceless.

Vegas Baby!

2006-05-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

After recovering from a brief 12 hour jaunt to Vegas (for a bachelorette party) some things are still a bit foggy.

Here are the things I do remember:

*A VIP table in the Owner's Lounge at Pure =
-4 bottles of alcohol (split amongst 8 people...)
-A personal bouncer
-A private bathroom
-A place to dance with your shoes off after becoming exhausted from wearing 4 inch heels
**Total Bar Tab = $2000

*Crazy Dancing with a guy who "claimed" to be a professional hip-hop dancer
-I look cute in a dress but have no rhythm...I must have been really drunk.

*Wandering the Strip as the sun comes up searching for hashbrowns

*Standing in a taxi queue
-Staring blankly at the sky, still kind of drunk, grateful that I brought flipflops to wear on the plane home.

Big, Real Big

2006-05-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

Drunk, Angery, Cowboy Boots, Cemetery.

The night, like most nights, started out with a whole lotta hype. It was Friday, the work week was behind us and we all wanted to go big, real BIG. After the necessary pre-party, we show up at the bar/club/whatever and it's crowded, hot, and loud. My friend brings a random girl that he has been shtoopping. She's got big, real Big features. We make eye contact and she grabs my hand and plows her way through the crowd to the front of the bar. I whip out my credit card ands she grabs it. We have a bartender in 3.2 seconds. We do a shot.

The night whizzes by like a fast car.

I get drunk, body drunk, not cerebral drunk - there's a difference. The lights are not so dim anymore, crowds have started to shuffle. I amble over to the bar to close my tab. My $300 tab. WHAT? I had three, possibly four, maybe five drinks, and the shot. Patient bartender shows me the bill and explains that Ms. Big features was charging drinks to my tab. What? I am not even shtooping her. I pay the bill. I implode. I start swinging at the air. My friends hold me back. I want to grab an ice pick and slash the Big Fake Features.

Lights out.

I black out. I wake up on my friend's couch. It's still dark outside It hurts. I look down. I see her cowboy boots. I open his front door walk across the street and throw the boots up into the tall magnolia trees. I get in my car and drive. As I turn the corner, I remember my friend lives across the street from a cemetery.

I'm going to hell.

Follow up to the Candyland post

2006-05-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

We found this article on Yahoo News today:

WASHINGTON - President Bush did not confirm or deny a newspaper report Thursday that the National Security Agency was collecting records of tens of millions of ordinary Americans' phone calls. "Our intelligence activities strictly target al-Qaida and their known affiliates," Bush said. "We're not mining or trolling through the personal lives of millions of innocent Americans." USA Today, based on anonymous sources it said had direct knowledge of the arrangement, reported that AT&T Corp., Verizon Communications Inc., and BellSouth Corp. began turning over records of Americans' phone calls to the NSA shortly after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

Here's the link: http://news.yahoo.com/fc/World/Espionage_and_Intelligence/

Hmmmm...interesting. Mr. Candyland gets some mysterious calls from the White House, Yahoo News reports the collecting of ordinary Americans' phone calls...I smell CONSPIRACY!!!

Candyland

2006-05-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

i wasn't going to drink...i swore i wasn't going to drink...i was designated driver and we were leaving some bar in Hollywood - i was sober. Then a limo showed up. They said jump in we're going to the Chateau. Damn. I get in the limo. Pour myself a glass of vodka on the rocks...i take a sip...the vodka is cheap and tastes like dirty metal. i put my drink down. everyone else is drinking - the limo comes to screeching halt - everyone spills their drinks on themselves.

We show up at the Chateau - it's fake, plastic, and the people remind me of cheap candy. Bottle of champagne pops open. Someone pours me a glass. I drink half. The people I am with are cool - they're like expensive chocolate. I like them. I sit on an overstuffed chair and talk. My pocket vibrates. Check my cell. Restricted number - it's 1:07 am. Don't pick up. 1:08 am. I receive a text message with a phone number I don't recognize. I call it. It's the White House. I explain that the white house sent me a text message. They hang up on me. I finish the other half of the glass of champagne.

We leave. Six people pile up in a Corolla - talk about a grand exit.

Dancing on tables and french fries followed at Mel's. I was sober.

I sit here very tired; waiting for the coffee to kick in.

Sweets from my Sweets

2006-05-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

Saturday - all I remember is hanging from a trellis about 10 feet in the air as I spun a Sponge Bob pinata over my head.

These things I know to be true:

*I am not going to be drinking for awhile
*There was a scavenger hunt
*I met some lady in Long's drugstore
*The lady bought me flavored condoms (one of the things on the list)
*She was in rehab and was on a chaperoned field trip from the rehab place
*She kept saying - come over here and talk to me - i love the smell of your breath

*I rang a random doorbell.
*A lady answered. She gave me her panty hose, a pair of red socks, a twist tie, and a used cassette tape.
*I gave her a big hug she didn't want me to leave.

*I went into La Scala (in Brentwood) and spoke to the maitre'd who gave me a cucumber and a roll of toilet paper from the girl's bathroom.

I won the scavenger hunt.

And so it begins...

2006-05-09T17:43:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I caught a screening of "The Maltese Falcon" at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary. This was the first screening of the year for the cemetary screenings and was a great reminder that summer is finally upon us. Two of my most favorite things to do on weekend nights during the summer are cemetary screenings and concerts at the Hollywood Bowl... Both places allow guests to enjoy a relatively cheap night under the stars with a picnic lunch and a great bottle of wine/champagne/beer.

The key to a great cemetary screening is to remember to get there early (at least an hour before the show) to reserve your place on the lawn. Parking is free within the cemetary, but if you get there late, you can always find parking on the sidestreets.
Bring plenty of blankets to keep warm/cover the ground.
Load up on picnic foods and beverages (alcohol is totally acceptable...just don't forget the corkscrew)
I've noticed a lot of people bring candles, which is really great once the sun has set, so everyone can see the food and other people in their group.
Low lawnchairs, picnic tables, and pillows are all welcome...just make sure they aren't too high so that people in the back can see over them.

Check out the screening schedule at this site: http://www.cinespia.org/

You have to admit, there is something magical about watching dusk set upon the city, while enjoying good food and friendly conversations.

My suggestion for the 1st Thursday of the month

2006-05-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

You should check out Baby Wants Candy at the Upright Citizen's Brigade theatre on Franklin. (They will be playing the 1st Thursday of the month throughout the summer.)

I caught their performance last night and thought they were really funny and talented. The basic idea behind their show is that they do an improv rock opera. The audience gives them a title and they create an hour long story/musical based on the title.

For more information on Baby Wants Candy check out their website: http://www.babywantscandy.com/

Figure Skating Lessons

2006-05-04T11:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if it was the nation's distress at Michelle Kwan not competing in the Olympics, or Johnny Weir's fantastic costumes, or simply Sasha Cohen's cute-factor...whatever the reason, my roomate got Olympic Figure Skating Fever and decided to bring me along with her into the madness. I feel like we should credit something more superficial like Ice Skating with the Stars, instead of something as spectacular and serious as the Olympics...but whatever. Last night found me and my roomie, attempting to glide on one foot across the freshly zamboni-ed ice of Burbank's Pickwick Ice center. Neither of us were much good, but then again nobody in our beginner figure skating class was spectacular.

Our teacher was a sweet, older lady who spent most of the night explaining how to glide and how to make big fishes (or whales) with our skates. She finished off the evening with lessons on how to stop...which I think she should have taught us at the beginning of the lesson...but she pointed out the fact that we could always use the wall as a bumper.

After the lesson we skated around and around the rink, trying to practice all of our new skills. I have to admit I felt kind of lame next to the 5 and 6 year old kids that were whipping around the rink as if it were a running track....my frustration at the ineptitude of my abilities was slightly lifted when i was informed the graceful skaters in the center of the rink were all recent graduates from my class.

Next week: Backwards skating....and perhaps a turn or two?

Depeche Mode Coverband

2006-05-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

Saturday Night I went to a benefit party for my friends' short film. Free drinks and snacks, all for the price of a small donation for their film...not too shabby. The setting for this event was a gallery/studio of some sort and the overall feeling of the night was pretty low-key. There is something great about an evening spent catching up with old friends over cheap Australian wine.

Everytime i go to these kinds of events, I have the idea in my head that, "this time i will actually meet new people." But without fail, every time i go out, i find that i am more anti-social with new people then ever. I don't know what my problem is, but I really only like to talk to the people I know.

The best part of the evening was the Depeche Mode coverband...I used to love Depeche Mode when i was in High School...in saying that i guess I should clarify that I was never an uber-fan...because although i constantly listened to their music (again and again and again) I never actually bothered to find out what the band members looked like (well, i do have a fuzzy recollection of some pictures in the playlist notes...but really nothing concrete.) So when one of the members of the band took to the stage in shiny, black, pleather pants and black pleather angel wings, I had to ask myself..."what's going on here? Is this what the Depeche Mode guys actually look like?" (In fact, after I write this post I'm going to google them and burn the images into my memory so that I never have to have that internal discussion again.) The music wasn't bad...and i gotta give the guys credit for starting a Depeche Mode coverband....not many people would actually consider doing that, which makes them kind of original....in a pretty un-original profession.

Overall rating of the evening: 3 stars (out of 5)

Last Night

2006-04-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

Last Night my heart cracked.

He said goodbye
It only took a second
We knew this time would be the last

I sobbed to a sappy song
Put on fresh mascara
Got dressed
Left for the party

it was time to move on

curling

2006-04-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

We woke up at an ungodly hour sunday morning, to drive an hour away to Ontario. We were going to learn how to Curl (you know that mysterious sport from the Olympics, that combines shuffleboard, bowling, and bocce ball?). Who would have thought that an ice rink would be so cold? Or that a sport involving pushing a 50lb rock across an ice rink could be so fun?

We learned how to glide across the ice on a teflon shoe, sweep the ice (literally with brooms) to create friction and make our rock go farther, and how to aim and knock our opponents rocks out of the way.

All in all, the Scottish sport of Curling, may just be my new most favorite sport on earth.

I'm a pacifist with a gun.

2006-04-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

My friends decided they wanted to get a group together to go skeet shooting this past weekend. I had some serious reservations, but thought, "if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't I try it?" I admit it, sometimes I am a lemming. So early-ish Saturday morning, I drove out to Angeles National Forest and navigated my way to Moore and Moore Shooting range. I guess, I hadn't really thought too deeply about what I was getting myself into, beyond..."Should I wear camoflage or a blazer with elbow pads and jodhpurs?" And, "How hard can it be to hit a clay pigeon?" So when I actually stood next to the instructor as he showed us an example of how to hold the gun and shatter a target, I was completely freaked out by how noisy and violent the actual shooting of the shotgun was. First there is a loud noise, then almost simultaneously a cartridge comes catapulting out of the gun barrel. I started to envision the gun backfiring, or accidentally shooting someone. The thoughts that went thru my head before actually picking up the gun were filled with terror and questions of "what the hell have I gotten myself into?"

I guess I should at this point back up and mention that I am as anti-NRA as they come. I am a vegan who has no interest in eating or hurting any animal. The closest I have ever come to a gun was my brother's cap gun when we were little. Let's face it, a shooting range was the last place most people would ever expect to find me....

...except that I also have a belief that one should never discount something that they have never tried. So when the opportunity arises I rarely say, "no." Which is how I found myself holding a 20 gauge shotgun, aiming off into the distance, and screaming, "PULL!"

At the end of our session I left feeling no fear toward shooting a shotgun, and accomplished because I had managed to hit a few of the targets. I think i really need to credit our instructors, because they were appreciative of the fact that not everyone is pro-NRA or comfortable with a gun, and they were patient with all of us and helped us get past any issues we might have had. In the end, I think everyone involved actually had a lot of FUN.

Even though, I never imagined myself to be the type of girl who would know how to shoulder a shotgun, I am very happy I can check this experience off my list. And who knows, I might do it again...if only my shoulder would stop hurting from the kickback.

Actual voicemail message left on my phone the other night

2006-04-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

All you need to know is that I never actually went on a date with this guy. He's just a random guy I had met at a party and gave my number.

"Hey L its C calling…I ended up not…well I mean I met J at the bar but then we ended up leaving cuz like fuck that shit…umm you had dinner plans and that's cool. You know I would have liked to have seen you at some point…you know give me a call…I don’t know what your doing tonight…you know if your still out and about or if your in bed. If you’re in bed you know fuck that shit. But if you’re out and about and you get this message and you’re on your way home give me a call. I’m up, you know and wanna chat. If not, whatever bro. Seriously.

Truth right? It’s all about the truth. Okay goodnight

Umm.. I think you’re cute. Goodnight"

The best/worst thing about going to a movie in this town

2006-04-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

I love going to the movies. And living in LA allows for many opportunities to check out films that are unavailable to audiences in middle America. For instance, last night I caught a screening of the Science of Sleeping (the new Gael Garcia Bernal/Michel Gondry film)... The movie was fantastic, strange, and overall wonderful. However going into the screening, I was unsure of what I would be seeing and had pretty much written off the film as being, "another one of those wierd arty pieces that put me to sleep." What added to my anxiety of the film is that the director ended up sitting a few people away from me.

I remember a time when I thought it would be cool to sit next to the director/writer of the film, like it was a place of honor. Now I cringe inside everytime it happens. It isn't a bad thing, and for the most part I am really happy/excited for these people...but internally I am very concerned about how I will react to the film. Like, what if I hate the film or fall asleep? I really don't want to offend anyone.

This town can be so wierd when it comes to films, you really never know who you will be sitting with.

Lucky for me, I really loved the film..and judging by the audiences reactions, I don't think Michel Gondry has much to worry about.

Reminiscing about a sometimes embarrasing past...

2006-04-12T23:14:00.000-07:00

I was watching a bad TV movie with one of my darling friends tonight and the love interest in the movie declared he had just gotten back the results of his AIDS test. My friend look at me and started laughing. We were both reminded of the same embarrassing moment from my life....

It was a few years back, early on in my career... I was doing the red carpet walk at an El Capitan premiere. My date of the night was some arm candy I had brought to make me look hip, as my boyfriend of the moment was an up and coming exec at a studio, and too busy to make an appearance at the screening. I had high hopes he would be joining me at the after party...but really who can tell? So I wasn't very surprised when my mobile rang as I approached the press line. It was him calling to figure out where to meet me...or so I thought. I eagerly answered the call, chatting as I walked. I couldn't really hear him - the crowd was too loud. So I turned up the volume and asked him to repeat himself. Suddenly there was a quiet moment in the screaming (or so it felt) as I heard my fantastic boyfriend screaming into my ear, "Guess who has the cleanest penis in LA?". I swear every microphone in line picked that up. I've never been so mortified. And my arm candy gave me that hurt look like, "wait I am not your date?"

Talk about having to do a night of damage control.

When you see a helicopter floating mid-air...

2006-04-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

I'm two blocks from home, when I notice a helicopter hanging in the air. It isn't moving. This is never a good sign. Immediatly, I begin to take stock of the situation. Was it a shooting? Was it a car chase gone bad? Is there a fugitive on the loose? I live on the edge of the barrio...any of these could be possibilities. It hadn't occurred to me that the solution would be so innocent. Protests. As I approached my street, I noticed cones and a police barricade. I continued up the street only to be met by more barricades and finally a river of protesters. I couldn't get home and it was so frustrating. There was a part of me that felt very torn. On the one hand, it was refreshing to see so many people with such strong beliefs, standing up for their ideals. On the other hand, I just wanted to get home.

Twenty minutes later, I got past the chaos and found myself back at home.

Lesson learned: When you see a helicopter floating mid-air...turn around while you can and find an alternate route.

Big Bear Bonanza

2006-04-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

Mr. Blue's weekend in Big Bear reads something like a game of CLUE..read it and see if you can figure out who did what with whom in which room?

"well, after i made out with Lady Pink in the hot tub (the girl that my buddy is fooling around with even though she has a boyfriend of her own and Mr. Blue has a girlfriend of his own) Lady Pink went up stairs and locked herself in the bathroom with the other four girls to tell them what happened. this is where the drama started...so then Lady Pink passes out and the other four girls (all of whom are her bestfriends) lock me in the room and start interrogating me; and i try to explain that it was just a little kiss and i apologized and take full responsibility for my actions and will talk to Mr. Blue and Lady Pink tomorrow and try and work things out

...of course they would not leave it at that - so they start grilling me for information about who is Mr. Blue's real girlfriend and this and that and that and this and we are all wasted and then things starting getting really ugly (the backstory here is that when we were all in Vegas, and Lady Red apparently like me and so did her sister, Lady Redder, and i had no idea - and i of course was flirting with every girl and so basically these girls still did not like me from Vegas because I caused "drama" that time in Vegas - so now that we are in B.B. I am causing "drama" again because this time I made out with Lady Pink) so they had a reason not to like me in the first place, and then this happened and they hated me and started saying mean things...

(additional back story: Lady Purple is Lady Pink's bestest friend from childhood and it was her birthday weekend and her boyfriend of three years left her to go to Vegas instead of spending the weekend with her) and she was being the hardest on me and was saying what kind of friend was I that I would do such a thing, so I told her that maybe she should mind her own business and that she should check in on her boyfriend who probably screwing some girl as we speak) well, that really put all the girls over the edge and they all hated me....but at least i got to go to sleep. the next morning I woke up, apologized to Mr. Blue and Lady Pink, both of whom did not think it was a big deal - and now the big issue was trying to settle all the nonsense that went on with Lady Pink's friends...i spent most of the day by myself locked in a room and then mustered up enough courage to apologize to her friends and then we all got drunk and partied like nothing every happened...the end.
here is the kicker:

Mr. Blue ended up making out with Lady Pink the last night we were there"

Canyon Club Calamity

2006-04-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Quick synopsis of the events that unfolded last night:

1:50 Group leaves the club, drunk and disorderly. Pick fights along the way out. We have torn shirts, impaired judgment and the stink of jager kabombs

2:00 Mr. White sees a car of ladies in a white camero. He shouts at them to stop then proceeds to the car. As he approaches one shouts “if you touch my car I’ll kick your ass”

2:01 Mr. White reaches the car and responds by saying “Yes I love white trash bitches, do you want to see my butt?” The ladies look disgusted as Mr. White attempts to paste his butt cheeks to the car window.

2:02 The ladies exit there car, a portly and homely girl “Ms. X” charges out of the back seat like a bat out of hell, looking for trouble. Mr. White runs away and get confronted by the driver. The girl sitting shot gun approaches Mr. Black. in a crude and violent manner. Cursing at him as if he was the one who made the white trash comment. I defend him and point her to Mr. White as the culprit.

2:03 the passenger is settled down, things seem to mellow out. I lose my cell phone. Suddenly Mr. Red approaches the biggest and ugliest of them all and says calmly, “You are a dirty whore!”

2:04 the girl immediately begins swinging her fat lil arms at Mr. Red landing punches. Mr. Black risks his life and gets in between them. Mr. Red has sustained minor damage. Cursing on both sides begins. Chuckling is had as I see Mr. White beginning video of the event. Chaos ensues! Mr. Red strikes the girl with full force with an open palm strike to the face. She is sent back. Steam begins to ooze from her head. She grabs Mr. Red by the sweat shirt and takes him to the ground. Pummeling him with blows that can only be compared to an ape fisting an enemy. BAM BAM BAM.. Kicks to the head. Mr. Black tackles the “bitch” against the car to save his friend. Mr. Blue and Mr. Yellow find Mr. Yellow’s cell phone and pennies on the ground. One girl kicks Mr. Black in the groin. Laughter is heard!!!!

2:05 the ladies return to their car. The men circle and recoup. Mr. Blue laughs. Mr. WHite approaches the car and say” I have an idea, go home and go on a diet” Ladies drive away.

2:06 the men laugh.

2:07 we are happy.

On the red line

2006-04-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

You know that overplayed song by James Blunt, "You're Beautiful?" Well, I love and hate that song. Its like the epitomy of every metro ride, summarized in 3 minutes and 32 seconds. Everytime, I ride the train, I find the most magically quirky and amazing people to watch. Some of which are so unexplainably attractive that I often consider striking up conversations just to tell them how beautiful I find them to be. For instance today, as I rode the red line from Union Station to Universal City, I was completely captivated by a gentleman who got on the train at Wilshire and Vermont. It was like he appeared from nowhere, wearing a long gothic trench coat and dark sunglasses. Watching him walk toward the train was like seeing a manga character come to life...kind of like Neo had jumped off the big screen. He possessed a mystique that drew me closer. And if he were an actual vampire,(which is what a part of me began to believe) I wouldn't have been surprised. As I drew closer to get a better look, (does he have fangs? What color are his eyes?) he slipped into a seat behind an obese giant and began to fiddle with his black I-pod nano. As I got off the train, I stood on the platform watching him head away to North Hollywood...wondering if he would in fact emerge from the station, into the sunlight, or if he would merely disappear into thin air.

It sounds like the beginning of a cheesy romantic movie

2006-04-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

Let's start out by putting up this disclaimer: Nothing has happened yet...but something could. And that is why we are even mentioning it.

Last Friday, my friends and I met up for dinner at Birds. It was a pretty low-key event, just catching up over mounds of fried food and pints of cider. Before getting our table, I had a moment with the host. It was brief and barely worth mentioning, except that I found myself catching his eye for the rest of the night. So we introduce ourselves and chat for a moment or two, and I wander back to my friends and he wanders off with an older woman. That should have been the end, because although we had a pleasant exchange, nothing came out of it. That night, I went home drunk and alone..not a great combination. As I wandered into my dark apartment, I decided to do something I had never done before: place a missed connection ad on craigslist. Publicize my attraction to a complete stranger with the hopes that he might on a whim see it and then think of me.

Truthfully, I placed the ad then passed out on the couch. The next day it was really just a distant memory in my mind and a lame joke that I told to my friends. By Monday, I had completely forgotten about the ad. Then yesterday afternoon, I got a reply in my email box. The boy had seen my ad and wanted to know how I got his name. Well darling, you introduced yourself. And being a good host, you probably introduced yourself to many a young chickadee, who walked through the doors of Birds...but in my delusional/drunken state on Friday night I thought we had a connection, now I can't be sure. So I responded to his reply by re-introducing myself and promising to pop back into Birds again to see him face to face. I don't really believe anything will come out of this...

I mean, how often do people actually connect on craigslist?