We didn't start the fire...

Friday - June 30th

6:34 pm - buying socks with my grandma at Marshalls

7:01 pm - receive text from friend that reads: "Tom has lost his mind. Sorry, I know this text just cost you 10 cents but I thought I'd share."

7:54 pm - root beer floats/jazz quartet with grandma at the ol' folks home

10:34 pm - see a SUV on the 134 freeway on fire with fireworks shooting out of every window

10:35pm - call to the California Highway Patrol

me: I'm driving on the 134 east bound and there is a car that is exploding with fireworks

dispatch: there's a car that is exploding with fireworks?

me: yeah it's on the right side of the freeway and I guess they had a bunch of cherry bombs, M-80's, and sparklers.

dispatch: and you're saying it's on the right side of the freeway

me: yeah right by forest lawn cemetery and the car is on fire and it's exploding from fireworks and I am not sure if there is anyone in the car.

dispatch: and it's on fire?

me: yes...crazy flames.

dispatch: okay police are on their way. what is your phone number?

me: XXX-XXX-XXXX. this is crazy. have a safe 4th of July.

Saturday, July 1st

1:11 am - receive text from friend that reads: It's 1am. im in vegas. 599 buffet. i love roadtrips.

1:26 am - meet hot girl at club

1:34 am - hot girl at club sends me text message that reads: "got coke?"

2:11 am - get kicked out of club

2:34 am - on lookout for my female friend as she urinates in random alley in Hollywood

3:22 am - give random hot girl at Mel's dinner a lap dance. i am rewarded with french fries.

4:25 am - get home and call anyone I think is still up

4:29 am - no one picks up

7:12 am - dreaming that I am at chateau marmont penthouse at a rowdy party and I have to kick people out. I get beat up and security just watches.

8:59 am - receive text from friend that reads: go to bed.

11:52 am separating colors and whites for laundy and swatting at gnats.

the end.