Coolest place to be during a blackout...

I was at the Roosevelt Hotel last night. Enjoying a turkey burger at 25 degrees (the cute little diner at the front of the hotel), when the power went out. It didn't really stop the diner from being able to serve its hungry clientele, as the emergency generators immediatly kicked in. In fact, had we not wandered into the main lobby after drinks/dinner, we wouldn't have even realized that the power was out....But, there we were, in a dark lobby, lit only by candles, enjoying the spooky atmosphere of the 1920s hotel, that some say really is haunted. Who knows if that is true or not because the people we met as we explored the dark hallways could just as easily have been ghosts or guests. I guess we will never know.

Yet another Real VoiceMail

Bonjour L!

I’m in Hollywood and I just saw Prince and I walked up to him and started singing Purple Rain! That was after my 11th glass of champagne!

I hope you are having fun in LV and you are having a safe drive. I am pretty fucked up. Talk to you later. Bye

We didn't start the fire...

Friday - June 30th

6:34 pm - buying socks with my grandma at Marshalls

7:01 pm - receive text from friend that reads: "Tom has lost his mind. Sorry, I know this text just cost you 10 cents but I thought I'd share."

7:54 pm - root beer floats/jazz quartet with grandma at the ol' folks home

10:34 pm - see a SUV on the 134 freeway on fire with fireworks shooting out of every window

10:35pm - call to the California Highway Patrol

me: I'm driving on the 134 east bound and there is a car that is exploding with fireworks

dispatch: there's a car that is exploding with fireworks?

me: yeah it's on the right side of the freeway and I guess they had a bunch of cherry bombs, M-80's, and sparklers.

dispatch: and you're saying it's on the right side of the freeway

me: yeah right by forest lawn cemetery and the car is on fire and it's exploding from fireworks and I am not sure if there is anyone in the car.

dispatch: and it's on fire?

me: yes...crazy flames.

dispatch: okay police are on their way. what is your phone number?

me: XXX-XXX-XXXX. this is crazy. have a safe 4th of July.

Saturday, July 1st

1:11 am - receive text from friend that reads: It's 1am. im in vegas. 599 buffet. i love roadtrips.

1:26 am - meet hot girl at club

1:34 am - hot girl at club sends me text message that reads: "got coke?"

2:11 am - get kicked out of club

2:34 am - on lookout for my female friend as she urinates in random alley in Hollywood

3:22 am - give random hot girl at Mel's dinner a lap dance. i am rewarded with french fries.

4:25 am - get home and call anyone I think is still up

4:29 am - no one picks up

7:12 am - dreaming that I am at chateau marmont penthouse at a rowdy party and I have to kick people out. I get beat up and security just watches.

8:59 am - receive text from friend that reads: go to bed.

11:52 am separating colors and whites for laundy and swatting at gnats.

the end.

The valley was so hot this week...

It is so hot in the Valley, that the can of pepsi that has been sitting in my car for 3 weeks, unopened, exploded while I was driving yesterday. Thankfully, the Valley also has a handwash car cleaning service on every other corner, so it was not a problem to get the sticky mess cleaned up. Later today, I am going to attempt to fry an egg on the sidewalk.

Mr Belding does Karoke?

I have gone out and partied 7 days in a row this past week. Everything from penthouses to karaoke with Mr. Belding from Saved By The Bell.

I went to visit my grandmother at her retirement community on Sunday. She looked at me and said I needed to take a step off the merry-go-round.

I then took a seven hour nap on her recliner.

Therapist

I saw my therapist the other day. He told me I was a normal, sane, functioning human being. What is that all about? I think I should get a second opinion.

Another actual voicemail

Hi there.... It's J. Wondering what you are doing tonight. Call me if you want to get shitty* or something....Ummm later.


*In this case shitty = booty call.


When it comes to class Britney Spears has got nothing on me.